We don’t need to reinvent the wheel, as they say. We look to the experts with years of experience to guide what we recommend to others. Ben Gillenwater is just one of those experts. He is the founder of the Family IT Guy.
He really is an IT guy and understands how the internet works better than most people. However, when he gave his own son an iPad with what he thought contained only “kid safe” apps, he was shocked to learn that his son had access to inappropriate content within just a few days.
He wanted to do something, so he created the Family IT Guy to help parents without his level of expertise navigate the positive parts of the internet while avoiding the dangerous parts.
He recommends 5 things he would “never do” regarding online safety for children.
Rule #1 - No social media exposure for children
Wow. That’s a tough one and I am sure it will shock many parents who have already allowed their child access to social media. But here’s why he recommends children not have social media.
It’s addictive algorithms are directly linked to a 400% rise in suicides among youth in the past decade. This is according to a 2019 JAMA Psychiatry report and a 2021 Canadian Journal of Psychiatry study.
Children spending more than three hours a day on social media were found to be far more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. There is a close link between heavy social media use and suicidal thoughts, particularly among girls.
If this isn’t enough to make you decide that children should not have social media, I don’t know what it will take. If you think your child isn’t spending that much time on social media, check their device’s settings for the amount of screen time.
Girls are spending more than 5 hours per day on average and boys around 4.4 hours for an overall average of 4.8 hours per day for US teens (according to Gallup polls in 2023). This is well into the danger zone, according to Gillenwater.
Rule #2 - Avoid anonymous online chats
This is where predators do their hunting. Studies show that children who engage in anonymous online chats are much more likely to experience sexual solicitation and grooming. Pay attention to what games your child is playing and whether anonymous chat is an option within the game.
One common example is Roblox. Even though they have set community standards, child predators are still on this platform. They use inappropriate content to identify and groom children.
There are other dangers within this game as well, including Robux, the in-app currency for accessories, etc. within the game. This can lead to some out-of-control financial charges to the credit card attached to the account if you are not monitoring the child’s use.
Other dangers within games like this include cyberbulling, harassment, addictive behavior and fixation. Finally, they can have inaccurate content maturity labels. The content creators assign age ratings for these games which are not always accurate. This can expose younger children to inappropriate or even scary content.
Rule #3 - No private device use
Another really difficult one to pull back if your child already has their own device and developed habits as to when and where they use them. Gillenwater cautions the use of phones or tablets in bedrooms or even bathrooms. It’s important to emphasize that this is not an issue of trust between you and your child. It’s about safety and reducing hidden risks.
Studies show that children with devices in their bedrooms sleep fewer hours, are more fatigued and have increased exposure to cyberbulling and explicit content.
A recent report released by Thorn (an organization that creates strategies for protecting kids from sexual abuse) found that boys between ages 9-12 are experiencing sexual interactions online at a rate of 1 in 3.
This number should get your attention. It fully shows that having too much private time with a device is leading to these potentially dangerous interactions. Read more about this study here.
Rule #4 - Have several conversations about sextortion before giving a smartphone to your child
Examples are a great tool. Gillenwater says that handing a child a smartphone without talking with them about the potential dangers is like giving your child a car without teaching them anything about driving or road safety.
A 2023 study in Computers in Human Behavior found that when these conversations take place with a child before they have access to their own phone, children were significantly less likely to engage in unsafe digital behavior.
Could it really be that easy? Obviously not for every child, but it’s certainly worth having these multiple conversations to ensure your child has the information they need to navigate what they will inevitably face online.
Rule #5 - No unsupervised YouTube viewing
These rules don’t get any easier, do they? Kids love YouTube and it can be educational. You’ve set up parental controls. You’ve given your child their own profile so they cannot access what you watch. You have followed all all the suggested safety rules. So, what’s the problem with this platform?
Unfortunately, YouTube’s algorithms often expose children to violent, sexual or extremist material. Children can get to such content in just a few clicks along that sidebar that suggests similar videos. This is a slippery slope for sure.
Gillenwater wants you to understand that he isn’t suggesting censorship, but supervision and guidance with regard to a child viewing YouTube videos.
The internet isn't all bad
While it may seem like there is no safe place online, I hope that’s not the message you receive from this article. The internet is full of helpful, useful and safe places for children to explore. The message is that they cannot do it alone. As the parent, you have to guide them and have those important conversations so that when they run into trouble, they are comfortable coming to you for help.
Children cannot be trusted to monitor their own use of social media or the internet. Caregivers and parents must establish, from the start, that they will be monitoring the child’s use of their device.
I love Gillenwater’s overall message here. He is saying that in today’s world, mindful parenting doesn’t just mean monitoring screen time, but consciously shaping how children engage with technology – before technology shapes them.
We couldn’t have said it better.